I feel so very very alone.
I know I’m going to drink to forget this week. I already need a strong drink or ten.
Being so miserable that even though I slept for 10 hours last night, I’ve been sleeping my afternoon away as well. Just to escape from my thoughts. Tell me that’s not just the saddest thing.
You can’t be mad at me for needing to switch off and walk away out of the blue. You can’t be mad at me for ruining a good day with my inconstant moods, because you’re the one that ruined a good relationship with your inconsistent “love”. You can’t be mad at me when I sit there and I can’t laugh anymore, I can’t smile anymore, I can’t even talk anymore cos I get so caught up in the shit on my mind I can’t do anything else. I told you it wouldn’t be easy and you said you would be patient with me. I guess that’s just another one of your lies. You can’t be mad at me for acting paranoid, insecure and doubtful, the only reason I am is because of you.
I definitely need a lot of time and a lot of space. I think I need to be alone because being with you is making this so much harder. You’ve known me for so long, and so well, that you should know just by looking at me that I’m not the same, I am a broken person; but you aren’t even trying to fix the pieces back together.
I’m sorry's and
it gets better's.
I need you to
tell me you’ll
hold my hand
and face this
hell with me.