I’m not sad with my life, I’m not ungrateful for all the things I have been blessed with, I’ve just fallen out of love with the world.
Every time I see you hurts because it’s just another painful reminder of how perfect we are for each other, and how nothing I can ever say or do is going to change your mind. How can we sit in your car for hours on end, and time just flies. When I’m with you I forget about everything else in the world. I’m so scared that I’ll never find a love like this again. Nothing and nobody can ever replace all those years in my mind. We talked about old times and we laughed about them, how young and carefree we were, so in love with the world and everyone in it. It’s bittersweet. “I don’t love you less, I love you differently” is maybe what I needed, but not what I wanted to hear. I still love you with my whole heart, in the same way I always have. I hated the way you said “it doesn’t feel over over” because it just complicates me desperately trying to move on from thinking and feeling the way I have for going on three months. Then you said “we still have it, whatever it is” and I guess that’s what I’ve been trying to prove for you since this whole thing started. I don’t think it was time yet. And I think even when it was, we coulda worked on it so much with so much strength and passion and belief in what we have, that we could protect it.
I want you to know that I understand that we were too young. Way too young to be in so deep. We were children, I guess we still are. But I grew up with you, and not a day went by that I ever questioned wanting to spend my life growing up with you. Growing into adults, growing old. I just wanted to share every moment. I know we were too young, and we both missed out on things that everyone else has spent the last few years experiencing. But I genuinely believe we had it better. We were the winners. I just think you’re gona look back and you’re gona regret losing me. I know that timing is a bitch, and maybe we just weren’t meant to be right now. But I’m not gona wait for forever. I’m not gona wait at all.
Ps. I’m still not over you.
I never wana settle for boring. I want crazy, beautiful, fucked up kinda love. I crave it. Passionate, complicated, too many feelings to know what to do with yourself kinda love. I want someone interesting, with a twisted mind, a fire in their heart and a spark behind their eyes. I want someone that will make my heart race. That makes me want to be a better person. That makes me dream, that inspires me. I want be totally captivated by a beautiful mind.
You’re my once in a lifetime person.
Everyone has one, apparently, and I’m convinced that you were mine. The kinda person that just appears out of nowhere, and just like that, nothing is ever the same again. It wasn’t just love, it was so much more. You walked into my life and made me see things differently. You bought a light into my life, and then you left.
You’re my once in a lifetime person, and there will always be a place for you in my world; even if you don’t want it.
I don’t want to settle. I want mindfucking love. I want to spend all night thinking about kissing you, and when I finally get the balls to, I want to go deaf to everything but that moment. I refuse to settle for anything less.
Late night thoughts